cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize