her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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