i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
