I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
