I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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