i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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