I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
