Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
