When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
