My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
