Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
