So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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