Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
