This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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