My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
