did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
