I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize