We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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