Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
