yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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