I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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