You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
