well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
