Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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