Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
