I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
