CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
