I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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