Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
