the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
