rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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