There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
