wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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