Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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