I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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