overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
