You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
