either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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