yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize