How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
