i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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