i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
