girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
