If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You ruined the universe
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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