i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
