Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
