So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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