i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
