i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
