Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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