tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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