apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
