kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
