great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
