tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drake has all the answers
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
