Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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