That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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