She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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