laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
