my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
