we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
