HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
