I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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