Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
