Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
