I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
