i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
