i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
