But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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