Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
