There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
