At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
