I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
