He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
